I'm not shy, I'm quiet
- août 16, 2019
- by
I read that in someone’s bio the other day and I thought it was brilliant. It pointed a finger on something simple but also something that many people struggle to understand or even notice. Being quiet does not mean that you are shy. But, why do people always put them in the same box?
I’ve read or heard many things about
being shy, introverted, calm, quiet… you name it! They all seem to work
together even though every person is unique and different. But, they are all put
in this negative box that people create. If you are just one of this thing,
well too bad for you, you are on the wrong side, right? I felt that when I read
one of those self-help books telling you that being an introvert is not that
bad, but still making you feel like you are on the wrong side because being an
extrovert is better… Here, 15 good things about not being the centre of
attention. Bullshits.
I talk about this quite often here, but it’s something I’m always working on. I consider myself as an introvert and calm person. I’d rather listen and talk when I have something good to say rather than forcing myself to talk just for the sake of it. I prefer a small number of people around me, otherwise I’m quite mentally and physically drained. And for a long time, I thought I was wrong. But actually, who cares? Really, who cares that you are more calm and quiet than other? Who is really noticing it and has a problem with it? Probably only you if it’s the only thing that you see. People are just going to understand that you are that way and are totally accepting it, and if they don’t, well move around. There’s plenty of people to meet. But accepting ourselves takes a very long time, until you found the right people to tell you that it’s okay and that you are not alone. Everyone is different.
Another thing is that I’ve always considered myself as shy. I was a very shy child, not talking very much. I could be very outgoing with people close to me, and I still can be like that, but I was very shy. And I still thought I was shy, until I talk about it a bit with my boyfriend. He is possibly the person that knows me the best, and he just told me that I was not shy. What a shock for me it made. I was not actually shy anymore, I am more of a reserved one.
I remember the very moment I decided
to stop being shy (yes, it started with a simple decision, very easy). I heard
or read someone giving the best piece of advice I’ve ever had. It was very
simple and probably obvious for some people, but for me it was life changing.
Here it is: “When someone speaks to you
or ask you a question, don’t just answer with one word (yes or no), give more
details, and develop your answer even just a bit”. And let me tell you, it
made a difference. I still have this in mind today when I’m with people I don’t
really know and it works. It pushes you to talk, to go out of your comfort zone
and makes you actually more interesting (I mean, let’s be honest, who wants to
talk to someone with zero conversation and who has only “yes” and “no” words in
their vocabulary?) so that people will make you talk more and more. Then, I made
a few big jumps in my life that changed me and here I am. Not shy anymore? Well
I don’t know. I feel quite comfortable when speaking to someone, I surely don’t
like to be with plenty of people I don’t know, but I’m happy to talk to new
people without having shaky hands or a very low voice.
Anyway, I only wanted to jump on
this occasion to talk a bit more on this topic when I saw this person’s bio.
You can be shy or quiet or reserved or anything, it doesn’t make you a bad
person or less than someone else. Nobody would want a world with only loud and
outgoing people, what good would that do? We are here, alive, with our own
personalities; so let’s accept what we are instead of changing our
personalities for the sake of other people who actually don’t care.
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