Hello, This is me!

Free the freckles

Blogger and cat lover In love with books, pizzas and DiCaprio Writing is my passion

About me

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Hey

I'mMaëva

French student and blogger

Welcome to Free the freckles, where I love to write about anything that comes to my mind, with no taboo. I’m 21, I’ve got freckles (you get it now) and I’m a grumpy French, sometimes, who writes in English. I love books, cats, le barbu, pizzas and Dicaprio. Besides that, there is not much that you need to know about me. Except that his blog has seen is first day back in 2017, and I'm proud that I manage to keep it that long.

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Rumbling of a 22-year-old

Today, I’m 22. I’m wondering what the heck could I write to “mark” this day on the blog, but I can’t find anything. I’ve got plenty of ideas about what to write about next, but nothing for today. It’s supposed to be my day, all about me in a way, but still, I can’t even seem to be able to write about me on this day. It’s like I’m not legitimate, like this whole blog isn’t. Talking about yourself on a blog isn’t something comfortable. But this is why I like it so much, it challenges me to write about the things deep down, about what makes me me, what’s in my mind and heart. And wow, I’ve got so much to say for quite some time so I hope you’re not bored with me just yet. But today, I’m forcing myself to put a bit more of me on this blog.

The barbu took this photos of me the other day. We were in a café and he spontaneously took these shoots (how comfortable that was, you have noooo idea). I hated most of the photos because I looked grumpy (= my resting bitch face), but not these two (well, he liked them very much so I began to like them myself). I didn’t know what to do with them so I thought about posting them on the blog for once. There is not much photo of me here as I prefer photographing other people or things (or cats). So this is, again, a challenge to put my face on here. 



It's crazy that I feel this way, not being comfortable to talk about me on a blog, which is mine. This is my corner of the internet and I can write and post whatever I want, with people who could read what I write, or not. But still, I sometimes struggle to truly write about what I want. I'm also looking again and again at this photo and wonder if they are "good" enough to be put online. I guess what makes me love them is the moment they were taken, the look on my face while watching that hairy guy I love so much. It's also me being scared of the bees around us (the muffins on that café are that good) or his way of looking at me. All of these little things that made me happy in that very moment. So, it doesn't really matter if I look pretty or not in this photos, right? I just love them in their own way as I love this blog because it allows me to share my thoughts and opinion, to express myself in my favorite way, to challenge and love myself a bit more further. All of these things that I'm grateful on my 22th birthday. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try to not eat that many cakes and I will see you very soon...

The birthday wish list : 50 books I want to read


I'm not a complicated person when it comes to gifts. It's simple, if I could only have books, I'll be the happiest (even if I'm not against a nice lipstick...). There are so many good books out there that I'm craving to read, so instead of doing a wish list for my birthday of things I don't need and don't really want, I thought it would be better to do a list (after doing a big reorganizing in excel, YES, me!) of 50 books I really want to read at the moment.


The anxiety solution by C. Brotheridge
She must be mad by C. Cox
The sun and her flowers by R. Kaur
Les joies d'en bas by N. Brochmann
Culottées tome 1 by P. Bagieu
107 ans by Diastème
Les gros mots : abécédaire joyeusement moderne (...) by C. Edgard-Rosa
What a time to be alone by C. Eggerue
Elle s'appelait Sarah by T. D. Rosnay
The feminine mystique by B. Friedan
Call me by your name by S. Aciman
L'égoïste romantique by F. Beigbeder
I don't know what to do with good white people by B. Bennett
Why I am not a feminist by J. Crispin
Headscarves and hymens by M. Eltahawy
The multi-Hypen method by E. Gannon
Bad feminist by R. Gay
La fille qui lisait dans le métro by C. Féret-Fleury
La lettre écarlate by N. Hawthorne
Feel the fear and do it anyway by S. Jeffers
Le plus petit baiser jamais recensé by M. Malzieu
Le trône de fer, tome 3 by G.R.R. Martin
How to build a girl by C. Moran
Libres! by Ovidie
Le grand mystère des règles by J. Parker
We need to talk about Kevin by L. Shriver
You are a badass by J. Sincero
Cordialy Invited by Z. Sugg (not out yet...)
Ceci est mon sang by E. Thiébaut
The hate U give by A. Thomas





Pussy, a reclamation by R. Thomashauer
The little black book by O. Uwagba
101 Essays that will change the way you think  by ?
Les règles ... quelle aventure!  by ?
Dear Ijewele, or a feminist Manifesto in 15 suggestions by C.N. Adichie
Lyrebird by C. Ahern
Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe by B. Alire Saenz
The heart goes last by M. Atwood
Girl up by L. Bates
La fille qui lisait dans le métro by C. Féret-Fleury
It only happens in the movies by H. Bourne
How to be a grown up by D. Buchanan
Girlhood by C. Clarke
The gender game by J. Dawson
Room by E. Donoghue
I love you too much by A. Drake
Not that kind of girl by L. Dunham
Miracle morning by H. Elrod
Heartburn by N. Ephron
Backlash: la guerre froide contre les femmes by S. Faludi

Okay so now, if you had no idea what to read, here at 50 books ideas for you. Some of them are in French, other are foreign. Some of them are on this list for years, some of them were added yesterday. Of course, I couldn't post all of the +150 books on this list, but this sample is a good start.

So tell me, how many of those have your read? Do you recognize some of them that are also on your reading list? 

Understanding how and why our opinions are changing



The other day the barbu and I went to a farm just outside the city we live in. We are used to being surrounded by cars, pollution and noise everywhere and having these few hours, in which felt like the countryside, was so nice. It was a beautiful and sunny day, we just enjoyed the fact that we were in a quiet place with animals and almost no one around. This whole situation made me think of the me a few years ago. I spend 19 years of my life in what feels like the most boring place to live in France. There is nothing beautiful to see really and it’s too deep in the countryside for me. I had always hated it and as far as I can remember, my dream has always been to leave that town to somewhere bigger and funnier. Luckily for me, I did and I love living in a city where everything is around, without having to take the car or anything. But after three years in cities areas, I find myself to need some quiet times, some peaceful times like those we have in the countryside. I even came to miss (a tiny bit) what I had before: those long summer nights in my room in my parents’ house, listening to old songs with nothing else but the sound of my cat purring and the crickets outside, where you can fully see the stars in the dark sky.




The thing is, I don’t want to focus on the fact that I “miss” what I had because it’s not really the case. I only wanted to focus on the fact that our opinions and views on life are constantly changing. It’s been a couple of years since I noticed how adult I can be sometimes (I could even be a grandma …). My tastes are changing, I don’t aspire to the same things I used to. I always remember my parents telling me “You’ll see” or “You will understand later”. Now that I am in the “later”, I hate admitting that they could have been right.



We all have been through experiences (or life, basically) that made us change our view on things, our opinion even. It’s funny how for or against we can be for something. Everything can change so quickly. It doesn’t mean that we don’t stand out enough for ourselves/opinions, no. It’s more like we are open to new possibilities, to new way of approaching things and life. We are constantly changing because it’s how it’s suppose to work (I never really understood why people were so against change…). Everything around us is changing just as much and being stuck in the same mind in our whole life can’t possibly be a good thing. So let’s embrace our differences, our path who can be different from what we imagined in the first place because of events, people, places, etc.

The one that talks about anxiety


“Advice for maintaining a positive attitude when dealing with anxiety?”
“Constantly reminding yourself to make the separation between what is true and what is a result of anxiety (…). And remembering that you are not your anxiety – you control it, not the other way around!”

This is what @kathbrose respond to a question on instagram. I had to keep it somewhere because I never read something so helping and accurate. It simple and probably obvious, but it is truly the best thing I could have read. Reminding yourself what is real, and what is in your head.

I tend to do very bad anxiety, especially when I’m on my own wondering about so many things (sometimes for no reason). I find it hard to control my emotions, to control how I feel. It’s almost impossible sometimes to make the anxiety goes away. I create this whole scenario in my head that is way worse than what happens in the reality, and I do know that, but I still do it. I can’t control it even if I know it’s stupid. I don’t create problems or anything, but I do need to be reassured because I interpreted one thing in the wrong way, or my anxiety made it way bigger and hard to process. I know that I’m strong since a very young age, I know what I can endure. But somehow, anxiety looks far worse than everything else. How can you live through loss or sickness and having so much trouble dealing with your own mind? How is it that at some point you finish on the bathroom floor crying and having trouble breathing because you just feel like crap? It’s funny how the mind works, and I find it frustrating to not understand it, to not control it.

I did beat it, I made big moves and pushed my anxiety further away. I made big steps, in plural. And then suddenly, when you have confidence in your own mind and body, you find yourself crying and shaking again. It feels like a huge step backward in my opinion, even if it isn’t in reality. I interpret it as if your body tells you to stop because it’s too much. Sometimes anxious situation will be easier to get through, and for others you are just not there yet. I know now where my limits are even if I still push them again and again. I’m proud of that, really I am. But, it’s hard to feel this pride when someone asks you to go out with many people that you don’t know and the only reason why you say no it’s because you just can’t. You want to go out, you want to be able to feel good in a big group of unknown people and talk to them. However, you just can’t, not for now anyway. So how do you explain that to someone who don’t know what anxiety is? How do you explain this stress mixed with fear and disgust of yourself, all in the same time? How do you explain this “no” to someone who can’t understand? Yes, I find it even harder when it touches someone else than me. It’s scary, everybody feels powerless until it’s gone. And I guess being powerless can makes you feel like you have no control.


I guess what I tried to say was to be more in the present, in the moment. Yoga help me a lot with that, even if it's still very new, but now I do get it. Get your mind on something real, something that isn’t created in your head because nothing that happen in your head will be real. Nothing. We should try to focus a bit more on the things we can do, on the people that have our back, on the positives things, on our capabilities and strengths. And as Kath said, we control it, and not the other way around.

A letter to the 16 years old me


Right now, you probably have your nose deep down in one of Anna Gavalda’s book, and you’re right because it’s kind of one of the best thing that happens to you. This is where this whole new world of inspiration comes from. Your love for good stories, inspiring people and observing them. I also know that your big dream is still to live in Paris, to live in one of a Haussmannien apartment and to read in one of those café. Even if London will be your favorite, this dream will still be there deep down, on his way to be realized I hope. So keep going, dream of big things because you are allowed to.


I also know that right now is not the best time of your life. Shits happen, they always do and you know that. This is why you have to be strong, and you will but you are also going to bury  lots of feelings inside. Please, don’t because it’s going to take you a lot of time to let people in. Feeling something is always better than nothing. You have to let go and stop thinking too much. And things are gonna get better you know, better than what you have already lived. So never stop yourself, for anything and anyone and … just go wherever you want to go. Do whatever you want to do (except cutting that hair TWICE, it was cute on Emma Watson, not on you honey). And allow yourself to love people more often, stop looking for perfection and accept the other around you because friends are very important.






Be selfish, be bold and confident. Be brave and happy. We both know that you don’t care that much about what people think of you when they don’t matter to you. Let them talk, you are all 16 and it’s fine if not everyone is mature enough. Please, don’t waste your time and energy with shitty people that don’t want anything good for you, they don’t deserve your time. You are young and you’ve got your whole life to make good friend (but NEVER let go of the good friends you do have now).

And finally, accept who you are. Accept that you are “different”, that you like to read instead of partying even if everyone says it’s not cool. You don’t care, what is important is who you are and embracing that. You’ll find people that get you, even if they’re not like you. Yes, you’ll always have people for you, no matter what you think. So live fully, and stop waiting to begin that life. Time is precious. Being sixteen is precious.



PS: I was serious about the hair!


What would you say to your younger self?
Are you proud of what you achieved?


I found this photos taken when I was 16 and already moody. I still love them and thought they were perfect for this post. They are not perfect, some are not even focus, but I love the mood they've got, they remind me of the old me who is still here for some parts.

quotes

Don't feel stupid if you don't like what everyone else pretend to love.

Emma Watson

Actress and feminist

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.

Rebecca West

Author and Feminist

I used to think freedom was being not attached to anything. I’ve been working on redefining that, that freedom is not about being not attached to people. You can still be free when people love you.

Jemima Kirke

Actress

Free the freckles
Rennes, France

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